Depression

It’s a conflicting emotion. It sends even the most happy-go-lucky person into its deep pits of hell. Nobody ever seems to come out from its never ending hole. Only the lucky ones ever do. I guess I’m just one of those unlucky ones. Depression seemed to have its large muscular arm trapped around me, and it didn’t seem like it was letting go anytime soon.

“Ari, it’s time to go,” a soft voice spoke. Turning around, I spotted my older brother, hands in his pockets, looking at me. Ethan, my older brother, the one I loved so much before, the one I always pulled pranks on, was now just a name in my life, with a body to match. I felt bad for barely speaking to him. After all, he did help me whenever I was beaten senseless by my father. I guess you could say I’ve had a rough life. Who could blame you? Everyone noticed my depression, but none of them cared. I felt utterly and completely alone. Nobody knew the empty feeling inside of me that grew into a permanent scar nestled into my soul. 

Ethan was holding my little brother, Sam’s, hand in his. I used to love them both so much. Don’t get me wrong, I still do. But with the death of my mother, my life has never felt so cold and emotionless. Happiness isn’t a feeling in my life anymore, much less love. I guess the same applies for my father. He lost his mate, his one true love. Losing his love for his wife meant losing his love for his children. Poor Sam doesn’t get a chance to see his mom and dad happy together. Unlike Ethan and me, Sam is only 6 years old. Ethan was a sophomore in college, and I, a senior in high school. We could handle growing up without parents, but Sam was still a child. I feared for his future constantly, hoping with mine and Ethan's love, he would grow up to be a bright man.

“Okay,” I mumbled, getting up off the grass in front of my mother’s grave. I looked back one last time before following my brothers.

Ethan climbed into the driver’s seat while I buckled Sam into the car seat in the back. Sighing, I sat down in the passenger seat. Ethan gave me a quick smile of reassurance, but I could tell it was forced. The smile didn’t reach up to his eyes. Mom’s death took a toll on all of us, but it seemed to affect me the most. Oh, and of course, my dad.

With my slightly wavy brown hair and striking grey-brown eyes, I looked too much like my mother. This brought out my dad’s anger. I never hated him though. It was the alcohol that affected him. When he’s sober-which is rarely-he seems to treat us like we really are his kids, but that never usually lasts too long. I guess our werewolf status does help me heal rather quickly, but I can’t remove the emotional scars that he’s been creating in my head. If only my mother hadn’t died...

But that was years ago.

My mom died when I was 14, but I never fully got over it. Neither did my father. I was 17 now, on to be 18 in a few weeks. It was the one thing I was looking forward too. I would finally get to meet my mate, to have someone hold me and care for me when I’m upset, someone to wipe my tears away and smile at me, someone who would hug and kiss me senseless till I was happy again.

A horn blared, waking me out of my daydream. Looking around, I realized we were home. Well, the pack house at least. The large front exterior of the three story mansion, with its intricate brick walls and large 5 car garage, a huge porch surrounded by acres of land looked quite massive, but it was my home. I shuffled out quickly, carrying a now sleeping Sammy with me in my arms. I smiled. It was one of these moments that I was glad to have my brothers. No matter how upset I got, either Sam or Ethan would be there to cheer me back up. 

Ethan was well aware of the situation with my father, and he readily wanted to adopt me and Sam, but unfortunately, Dad wouldn’t give him custody. Besides him, our soon-to-be alpha, Drew Blake denied us exile out of the pack. As much as the pack hated me, they needed me to cook, clean, and do every little thing for them. Yes, you heard me right; I was the freaking maid of the place.

Maybe now it’s clear as to why I am so upset all the time. Why I’m almost near depression, not quite there, but close enough that people truly believed I was. 

Walking into the house quickly yet quietly, I snuck by the loud group of teens in the den area. Exploding objects and gunshots filled the air. 

‘Stupid boys and their obsession with videogames’ I thought sneaking past the loud noises quickly, hoping they wouldn’t wake up Sam.

I went over to Sam’s room and placed him gently on the bed. He shared the room with Ethan, considering it was his before he went off to college. He visits sometimes, like now. However, he usually lives in an apartment with his mate Olivia. She was such a sweet girl. I was glad he found her. They’d met on campus at his school, and were inseparable since. I sighed; at least my brother got his dream girl. Now, I was just waiting for my dream guy.

Tucking the covers up and giving Sam a small kiss on the cheek, I walked out of the room, only to bump into a hard chest. 

“Oof,” I muttered, rubbing my forehead from the impact.

“Watch where you’re going, freak!” swirly dark blue and grey eyes darkened as they stared at me. Looking down from my alpha, Drew's, eyes, I mustered up enough courage to apologize. “S-sorry,” I mumbled pathetically before running away from him and up to my room. 

Heartbeat thrumming in my ears, I blew out a deep breath. I quickly composed myself and speed walked all the way to my room. It wasn't the fact that Alpha Drew was that scary, in fact, I found him pretty handsome, but our differences were clearly visible, considering how he looked upon me. Nonetheless, I felt something different when I was around him.

I sighed, leaning against the door to my bedroom-well if you could call it a bedroom. Ever since my mom’s accident, everyone blamed me for making it out alive instead of my mother. You see, my family is the beta family of the pack. And everyone loved the betas, especially my mom. She was always homey and sweet, a mother to all the pack children. She was best friends with Drew’s mom, the Luna of the pack. I guess Drew thought of her as a second mom which is why he mostly treats me like shit. I guess I do deserve it. I should’ve been the one to die, not my mom. Nobody liked me, they never did. 

Well, back to my boring old room. Long story short, everyone hates me, I get a crappy room and crappy things, all while having to do all the chores of the pack. 

“Yay me,” I muttered sarcastically. I sighed for the umpteenth time today before getting out my homework. 

‘Guess I’ll have to stay up all night finishing this’ I said quietly, allowing myself to get comfortable on my thick, hard mattress. I wish my life was easier.

‘Well, who ever said life was fair?’